“Have you noticed that when you meet certain people you just don’t seem to have any rapport? You say one thing; they hear something different. You simply don’t understand one another. When you feel an immediate rapport with someone, it means you are matching their [sic] communication style—thus, making a connection. When you don’t have that rapport, it is probably because you have a different communication styles, and therefore each of you is misinterpreting what the other is saying, thinking, or feeling.”— From the Law of Connection Leave it to author, NLP trainer and public speaker Michael J. Losier to demystify yet another misunderstood concept in the landscape of human potential (as he did with the Law of Attraction in his first book) in his second book, Law of Connection. This time, he clarifies how to make, build and maintain rapport with others.
Using the science of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, also known as NLP, Losier addresses the four NLP communication styles and how each conveys, processes and delivers vital information to others. The importance of knowing your own communication style, as well as the other styles, cannot be overestimated.
From couples to siblings, parent to child, teacher to students, employers to employees, website owners to visitors, and salesperson to customers, recognizing the communication style of another—and then calibrating your own approach to match theirs—can literally make the difference between discord and harmony, making the sale or losing it, creating a valued relationship or aborting it, earning trust or dissolving it.
In the Law of Connection, Losier not only explains each of the four communication styles—Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, and Digital—but also provides a self-assessment questionnaire so you can discover your own style, as well as those of others. He then shows readers how to calibrate conversations so that important messages are delivered as intended, based on the cues and clues that others offer the observant communicator.
For example, have you ever walked into a store and just want to be left alone so that you can browse and ponder your purchases on your own, yet, a pushy salesperson gets in your face, trying to “help” you. Even after stating, “I’m fine, thanks. I’ll let you know if I have any questions”, the salesperson still trails after your, offering running commentary on everything in your orbit?
If you’re like me, you’d likely leave on the spot, even if there was a desirable product left in your wake.
In this scenario, it’s like that the customer and salesperson have differing communication styles. What resulted in a potential lost sale might have turned out quite differently if the salesperson was fluent in the four NLP styles, and adjusted his/her approach accordingly.
Or perhaps you’re a homeschooling parent or a teacher, and find that when helping your children or students, they are just not “getting it”, generating frustration for both you and them. How wonderful to learn that you’re not a poor teacher, nor are your students somehow unreachable! This is because, in essence, communication style is learning style, and easily remedied by calibrating your conversation.
Replete with engaging examples from Visual Vicky, Auditory Alan, Kinesthetic Kelly, and Digital Dan, Law of Connection shows where individuals break rapport (and how to salvage it), as well as how to create meaningful rapport with any person, in practically any situation. Expert Edward explains how to recognize commonly used phrases for each style, as well how each communication style exhibits imbalance and stress (and how to ameliorate it) using NLP.
Losier even provides the gifts and challenges for each of the four communication styles, as well as what individuals like, and find problematic, about each of those styles.
Written in his hallmark accessible style, Michael J. Losier provides readers with arguably one of the most important books on interpersonal relationships ever penned. Deceptively simple, but crucial to making or breaking rapport, Law of Connection takes us step-by-step through myriad opportunities for bridging the communication gap. When applied, the benefits of knowing, observing, and calibrating communication styles results in increased rapport, harmony, and mutual benefit. Law of Connection belongs on the shelf of every parent, minister, teacher, student, spouse, counselor, writer, doctor, lawyer, salesperson, public speaker, website owner, entrepreneur, supervisor and coach. In essence, everyone can and will benefit from this book! I highly recommend it, and feel it would also make a great gift for holidays and special occasions, especially for those who make communication their “business”.
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